I once shared how in the past (my teens age), I wonder why people end their life cause they should have be more patient with the problem they have. Ending life doesnt solve problem cause after that they will be eternal in hell, a never ending pain. Until when I was 18, in 2011, I got pain in one of my leg, dont have money to go to proper doctor, it was daily pain for months (even after 2 years, it keep coming and go). Endless pain is frustrating. In that moment, I got the hit to understand why people having endless illness chose to end their life. I finally understand. Its not because I wanted to do the same. It just the amount of frustration I had was enough to make me have a deep understanding of what they have been going through.
In 2019, I moved to Seoul with no real friends. My family was too far away. I was lonely until I thought if I die in the room, people will find my body after 2 weeks, after the smell bother people. The lonely feel was too deep inside the chest. Luckily the pain was not enough to push me do crazy thing (alhamdulillah), but its enough to make me understand them who have same situation but go further.
Its now, 2024, I have same pain as them who frustrated of finding job. I bet a lot of them have feel that they adequate enough to perform many types of job but never get one. There also thought of wonder, questioning their self whether their thought of feeling capable is true or just their delusion.
I understand how it feels to lose people
I understand how it feels to financially struggle
I understand how it feels to worry of your future
I understand how it feels to be chronically alone
I understand them who have pain they cant take no more
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