I will have English test tomorrow morning. I registered just incase I will need it. I should be studying now. I had some materials. Instead, I keep procrastinating. I need an erasing tape for the test, either I can take the one that I have in my office or just buy new one in Daiso that just 100m away. None of them I do.
Last Friday I met my therapist. One of the hardest question is "What reward will you give to your self?". It can be anything. Food, leisure time, shopping, time for social media without guilty feeling, go to cafe, going somewhere, anything. I realized that I even dont have somethin I want to have so I can give it to myself as a reward. I dont know what I like, I dont know what I want.
Life without excitement and hope is another kind of pain. I miss time when I felt filled with wishes or at least hope. Unlike recently that I often feel empty, dont know where to go, dont know what to do, dont want to do anything yet dont want to stay still. Just letting self flowing with the current if there is a current. Dont ask whether I want to take PhD or applying for job. I even feeling sad to not know what I gonna eat for a week. Well I dont feel that everyday, its fluctuate and I know I am not the only one.