I just comfort with cleanliness,
I just dont want to get infected and sick,
I just wanna make sure I do not make a mistake that can cause a danger for me and all.
So, a friend of mine asked me whether I have OCD or not. I had never heard it before, so she briefly explained to me and then I said "Oh no! Im not that far". I watch American Got Talent, and in short, I got to know that one of the judges has an OCD and then I became curious what actually it is. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is such a mental health disorder that is, in short, a persistent annoyed feeling/thought of "something wrong" and also persistently behavior to overcome it. Oh just get the full explanation here.
I took a test whether I likely having OCD or not, its a sort of test but not a diagnose tool. And the result iiiisss.... I scored a total of 20 and it means I most likely suffering from an OCD (because for 12&up score means "likely positive"). Whooo. But I bet Im not. Read out the explanation and I really still far from that.
One day my friend slept over at my room and she had flu. I told her to wear such a flu mask but she refused. I understood cz it would be uncomfortable to use a mask while your nose is clogged. I understood but felt uncomfortable all night long cz I was pretty sure I'll also get flu the next day. And yeah, It was such a hard time having flu in the middle of crowded academic activity. Actually I was mad at her, hhe. The same worry always come when Im with a friend whose having flu. But I try not to, I wanna be easy.
I had Colli Bilateral TBC. Simply, its not TBC infecting lung but lymph nodes and its unlikely infectious diseases. Before and after I got surgery, I would isolate myself when I clean up the infected area and would like to wipe (sometimes just pour it) my hand and all stuffs I touched with 70% alcohol, even the door handle. I kept bandage the infected area although my doctor asked me to just open it. You know I just dont want to infect others, make sure no one hurt because of me.
I watched some videos showing how struggle they are as OCD survivor. I cant imagine, some of them even feel bothered when their mom come closer, having shower soo many, cant hold any stuffs, feel worried every single time. How tiring it is. Again, Im not that far.
I feel annoyed with everyone that just left their dirty tissues in open area. Disgusting. But, its more about responsibility though.
I feel bothered if I must use public/sharing toilet but I can. I can although Im worried.
I feel disturbed when someone doesnt return anything they used to how and where it should be, moreover if its not their own and/or in public place. Again, its about responsibility also and about caring of others comfort.
I feel disgusted to everything disgusting such animal waste (moreover the human being, *howek), but who can enjoy that? And I always end up with clean it up, not just avoid it.
I feel uncomfortable interacting with people having contagious illness. I try to be casual yet dont want to be sick.
I'm trying.

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