That one sister

I remember clearly. It was in front of our house. My father told me "Oh later she will listen to you" as my father know that I, a 6 years old girl, just cleaned my sister that just poo on herself (and no diaper). My sister was just born. I dont remember her exact age but the poo was still black. Yes because I care of her in that level, so my father assume she will love me, she will listen to me. He is wrong. At least until now and maybe it will never get changed.

Do you remember one the story of 8-9 years old of me that disturb me until this age? Its when my father take a plate from me when I feed my sister and throw it away? Yes it was her. The same sister.

I cried a lot when I just graduated from undergrad and hasnt got job. I cried for 2 weeks every single day as I feel failed and scared to cant provide money for my sister (yes the same sister) since she is graduating from high school and will need money for university. And yes, my first salary in Korea was used to take her graduation certificate hold by the school as we still have unpaid fee to the school. I felt so released that time.

She asked me money often and I never refused as that time what I know is she use the money to take care of our father that keep going and back to hospital. Or for her study. If I know its for right things, I never say no.

Long story short, she blocked me on whatsapp around 2 years ago. I was so sad. Deeply sad and I believe its one of the reason I have sort of "depression". Maybe I was too annoying for her that time. I feel deeply sad not only because of I got blocked but also the guilty feel that I might not a good sister nor a good person.

Last march she contact me for the first time since that block incident. Not important for what, no need for me to explain. And end of last month is the 2nd time she contacted me. Asking money. A lot of money in my perspective and if our mother know, I dont know how stressful it will be for her.

I will tell later again what happened. Just, I want to share that I am again feel stressful because of her after for so 2 years I try to heal myself from her.