▪️ I was surprised that body pain could help distracting mental pain. I didnt experience it much but I did and it makes me understand people that harm their self when they arent okay.
▪️ If you see persons commiting suicide by cut their wrist, its not like they have knowledge that its the best way to end their life. They just feel to do that way. They just have feeling to cut it.
For the last 3 years, everytime I feel sad moreover deep sad there is a feeling on left wrist that I feel to pop it out. To cut it. I used to called or talked to my friends to distract myself or I can just cry until its gone but there was a night when I was in panic afraid of myself that I might really do it so I called a counselling office and end yp visiting there for 1 year. I am glad that now its getting better, it comes less frequent tho I am nervous bad things might hit and those feeling come again. No Im not nervous, I am tired.
▪️ I understand that its hard for them who is not okay, who is in depression to share. They know people wont understand and if they have courage to share, some responses (which likely to happen) might hurt them more. Yes. Most people dont understand their situation because they never been there. We dont want them to know how bad our days are.
▪️ Making distance to people. Yes. I have that feeling that its better to people even family to be in a certain distance. I dont want to bother them nor them to dislike me if they are too close, seeing me more often.
▪️ Trauma. You have the knowledge that a thing is not dangerous, a thing is not scary, a thing is just fine. But you scared. You feel upset of it because it was unpleasant.
I felt like those things are cheesy, weak and super drama things. But it exist. After all of this, it teach me many things to be understood and validate that you would never understand until you are in it while I am glad that I still can count my myself. I control myself.
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