"When your head gets noisy, write it down" turn out it looks like a complaining and crazy blog now. It was blog full of critical thinking, social cause awareness, motivation and other positive energy. But at a point, it flipped 180 degree, there some posts tried to back to those "positive energy only", but not yet succeeded. Keep fall and fall. Anyway, dont you think write down your crazy thoughts here is better than to mainstream social media?

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Allah I am scared

 
I think I am not allowed to feel that life is hard. Maybe its me that not working hard, its me that lazy, its me that i am not strong enough to face my life. Its me that not capable. 

I am frustrated to find a job now, couple months ago, I count I have applied job for more than 80 application (and still going on), nothing works. Now, every time I apply, I know already that it would be fail, no matter how exited i am when learning the job description and find it perfectly match with my experiences.

I have a sister studying in university without scholarship and should rent a room. I have a mother that I should send money for her to live. I might live alone for my whole life and now I have nothing to support my alone life.

I see people say : God wont make you go this far to fail. They say that just to sound wise and gain likes. They cant guarantee people's life. I am desperate. I am scared. 

 
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